When you speak, say, what you mean, clearly, do not ever assume that the person you are talking with understands your internal thoughts and dialogue. People cannot read minds, and in fact, they may not even be listening and will only hear bits and pieces. My best suggestion is that you say what you mean and mean what you say, make your yes be yes, and your no be no.
What you say can also predicate what happens to you and to others, words have power, by now in this blog series I hope you see that, that is true. You can change a person’s life for the better or for the worse by just a few simple words about who they are as a person and what they mean to you. For example, calling someone an idiot can set a course for their life, but is can also have detrimental effects on who they become, especially if they are a child and you are an adult.
Here is a prime example that I learned years ago. It is common in social circles today to refer to a group of boys and girls as guys, meaning a non-gender specific, all-inclusive of everyone in the immediate vacinity. However, it was only 20 years or so ago that when you said guys you were only speaking of male members of a group, regardless of what gender was present.
Words are also weighty because of the non-verbal ques used in conversation. It is true that many believe in the theorem suggested by Albert Mehrabian, PhD that statistically only 7% of communication is verbal, 55 % is body language and 38 % is tone of voice, which is basically accurate in specific circumstances. What this tells me is that communication is at a minimum a three partite mechanism that takes into consideration the words used, the tone they are spoken in and the body language used at the time of speaking. To me this just re-emphasizes my point to be very premediated in what I say, when I say it, how I say it, who I am saying it to, and where I am when I say it. This has resulted in me being less needy in being heard and more thoughtful of what I speak. Both I believe are very good things.
My challenge to you is this, start on a Monday and choose to not automatically say what comes to mind immediately upon hearing something that you would normally respond to. Now this may take a while to master but you’ll get there, each time you react and speak, just start over and do better the next time, and the next time, and the next time; well you get the point. Now please do not think this is easy, as it is not and truth be told I am still working on it 35 years later. But I do know you will succeed if you just try.
When presented with an opportunity to say something negative, stop, and say something positive. Yes, you may seem a little foolish to others but then do you really care if they think you are being foolish. You are on the road to a better you, and if they do not like it, well so what! This is truly the one time you can say it is all about me.
